The skinny on feeling fat....

So tonight’s blog post was inspired by a post on my personal page. As I was furiously typing away, which I often do when a strong thought or opinion jumps in my head, I know I had to take it to a blog post to elaborate.

So to start, and I know I have mentioned this before... I have spent most of my life as a yo-yo dieter. Looking back on pictures of my life dating back to my teens...I was every size in the book. from 0-14 literally. I fluctuated with my weight all through my teens, twenties and into my early thirties. I would go on crash diets lose weight only to eventually gain it all back again. I never felt comfortable going to the gym. I was way to insecure to go in and try any classes or even pick up a weight.

My struggle got super real a few years ago when I gave birth to my second daughter in Sept. 2013. I had ballooned to 204 lbs and was at a loss as to how I was going to lose the weight.

It was at that point I partnered with a pretty freaking incredible Health and Wellness company. The products delivered in ways I never knew imaginable. 65 lbs lost and I never felt better.

My weight loss journey and experience with these products was also the catalyst for Not Just a Mom Movement. I wanted to reach as many people as I could. Share this incredible program and lifestyle with everyone.

So back to my Facebook post and the inspiration for this blog post.

The after pic to the left was taken at a photo shoot just about two years ago....

I remember the day.... although feeling beautiful that day, I knew I had gained a couple of pounds back from my initial 65 lb weight loss just about one year prior. I felt a tad bit uneasy in my skin and worried I would look “fat” in the photos. Crazy self doubt and “I’m not good enough” bull crap filling my head when looking at the finished product. Silly I know... but true.

Looking back on the photos from the shoot I’m like wow. I looked amazing. Healthy, happy, in great shape and felt really really strong. How the hell did you feel “fat” that day!!! So where I’m going next is so very difficult for me to share. Being someone who encourages and leads others to live a healthy lifestyle, commit to their fitness goals and fueling their body properly, I feel I’ve let myself and others down. I have slowly been gaining and gaining back that weight I SWORE I would never see again. Now mind you. I still work out regularly, I have an incredible arsenal of quality nutrition available to me, I know what it takes to make smart food choices, and regularly make them, however I let the 80/20 rule slide a bit to 60/40 and sometime even more. Between marathon training, the day to day struggles of motherhood, the loss of two friends, vacations, my unstable relationship with food, nights out, it has began to pile back on. While on vacation this past week, I felt the lightbulb go off.... ✨What the hell am I doing? ✨What the hell am I eating?? ✨How did you let it get this far??? ✨How in the world are you gonna run all these races this year with this extra weight you’re carrying???

As moms specifically we know how easy it is to make poor food choices. To scrape up the left over Mac and cheese from our kids bowls and shove it in our mouth instead of throwing it in the garbage. To grab a giant Starbucks mocha whatever the hell and drink 250 calories with of crap. To skip a workout because the house is a mess and we need to catch up on laundry. It’s so very difficult for me honestly. For someone who has always been a yo-yo dieter I was so so happy when I came across this program. It introduced me to a lifestyle I could manage and maintain. But I failed myself. I let the old habits and the excuses get in the way. I know it is TIME.... time to recommit to the program that changed my life a little over 4 years ago. The program that taught me how to eat right & fuel my body properly. The program that gave me energy that was THROUGH THE ROOF & and the passion to start assisting others to feel the same. So tomorrow it begins.... my new journey to optimal health. I’m committed to transforming my body once again. To how I looked and more importantly how I felt in the pictures above. To be able to adequately train for and PR at the New York City Marathon in November. I share all this publicly for so many reasons. ✨To hold myself accountable. ✨To inspire others if I can. ✨To be as open and honest with my journey as I can be. ✨To acknowledge it’s not always easy.

✨To help me be ok with the journey. ✨To help others be ok with the journey.

Soo. If you take one thing away from this read... it’s that we are all human. And we all deal with massive negative self talk... our dialogue with ourselves is often the hardest and most critical.

We all have “life” happen. and we need to be kinder to ourselves and then simultaneously learn how to pull ourselves out of the damn depths of despair when we find ourselves sliding that slipery slope.

And in NOOOO way am I saying it will be easy... but it will be is worth it.

We are all capable of change. Of committing to our health, our happiness, ourselves.

My journey back to me has began... and it feels good. Like really good.

And one thing I want to make clear. It’s not about the number on the scale. It’s about the confidence, the feeling in my skin, the health benefits and the ability to show other people just like me what’s possible in life.

I truly truly want other women to see that they can make the change. That no matter how difficult it gets or how far gone you think you may be you can change. If you have struggled as a yo-yo dieter just like me, if you have never found anything sustainable, if you don’t know where to start, if you need support. I am here.

So until next time.... when I feel the need to furiously type away about something... thank you for reading.