Time for a real mom moment... you can thank my buddy Kristine Gabel for this one.
Today at dance, like most days, my six year old daughter Kiley struggled.
She is the one in the middle of the pic above. Shes my first born. Along with her sister, my biggest accomplishment yet often I feel like it’s where I’m failing the most. And today was def one of those, I’m failing miserably days.
She was clinging on to me, didn’t want to go in, crying, hiding her head. She sat out for 75% of the two hours of dance.
Mind you she is in year three of dancing school. She begged and pleaded all summer long for three classes this year, and when registration time came rolling around, I caved and enrolled her for two back to back classes on Tuesdays and another class on Wednesdays.
This challenging behavior is pretty typical for Kiley.
She is a high strung, high anxiety child who gives me a run for my money daily.
She has since the day she was born.
The sleepless nights. Walking the hall singing, shooshing, rocking, anything I could to stop her from crying. If she was awake. She cried. This colicky behavior lasted months and months.
Fast forward to my beautiful kindergartener. She is strong willed, loud, sensitive, opinionated. It’s crazy... because quite honestly she is so much like me it’s almost maddening.
Well actually it’s 100% maddening.
How is it possible for a sweet little girl. Who pretty much couldn’t want for anything in life have so many difficulties doing the things most six years old LOVE TO DO? How can she be completely fine in one moment and then a complete different kid just seconds later?
I’ve spent hours, days, months trying to figure it out. I am eternally grateful for my friends and their advice. So when one tells me she’s totally fine and the other tells me to seek medical help, while most just shrug their shoulders and nod their heads while they hear my complain for the umpteenth freaking time about Kiley’s “behavior problems” I often end up being more confused than before.
And here’s the thing. I’m fairly certain I grew up in the same body. Anxious, worried, sensory issues through the roof. But back then in the good ole 70s things were different right?
No ADHD, ADD, OCD, and the list goes on, diagnosises in small children. No intense overstimulation provided by electronic devices except for the nightly tv sitcoms like Different Strokes and Punky Brewster.
Now I have my my two little girls watching UTube videos of Jake Paul and singing songs from the Musically clips.
I know what some reading may say... so then don’t let them watch it. Don’t give in to the behaviors. Your the parent. She’s the child.
Yep. You’re right. I truly truly agree. But freaking Christ how??? How do you put your foot down and change the behavior?
How do you prevent a temper tantrum? Or an anxiety attack?
How do you get them to listen? To always be respectful???
And listen, let me add to this rant that I am not looking for a pity party, nor am I looking for debate.
So what am I looking for?
Maybe just to get it out... YELL AND SCREAM AND KICK MY FEET.....
To maybe show others who may be going through what I’m going through that you are not alone.
That for goodness sake this mom thing is damn hard. Like really really hard.
Sometimes I’m like.... am I doing this right? Is this how it’s supposed to be???
And then sometimes, like at this very moment as I am typing away, I hear the laughter of my little girls playing together and I’m all WTF is wrong with me!??!? Lol. Your blessed. You have two beautiful little girls who are learning, growing, experimenting, testing their limits.
Figuring out this crazy damn world they are living in.
Looking at you Jenn, to show them the way.
To guide them in life.
So now, in this moment, I will take a HUGE deep breathe. And then another one. And then tell myself “You have done a great job today”.
And then be ok with just that. Until tomorrow, when I become a total nutcase all over again. Lol.
Until my next rant.
Thanks for reading.